Yesterday on my way home from work I had to stop a grab a few items at a store that I hadn’t visited in quite a long while. I very seldom carry cash on me. Usually the only cash I have on me is the money I plug into the parking meters to avoid a $30 parking ticket. I pay for everything with my debit card, whether it’s $2 or $200.

After I was done my shopping and went to pay for the groceries, I told the cashier that I’d be paying by debit. Then came her instructions. “Wait for your total to appear and then insert your card and follow the instructions. Or you can use tap.” Really? So that’s how this thing works. Thank you. You just saved me endless hours standing here looking stupid.

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t actually know how to pay by debit card? It seems like people use a debit card for every purchase, no matter how big or small. I once saw a teenager in front of me use his card to pay for a pack of gum and an energy drink. Hey,at least he was worried about how his breath smelled, which is more than I can say for most teenagers. I’ve used my debit card to pay for just one coffee before.

Next time I see a new cashier I think I’ll act like a total imbecile who just got my bank card that day. I’ll be saying, “How do I do this?” Now what do I do? What are these numbers for? Could you please help me? Will my library card work? Are you just gathering my information for the Russians? Will this go on my permanent record? Will I get free fries with this?

At least I’d give the guy standing behind me something to talk about later that day. I can hear him now. “You should have seen the idiot in front of me at the grocery store this afternoon.”