The other night my wife and I decided to treat ourselves to a bag of popcorn while watching TV. We don’t make our popcorn the old fashioned way or in a popcorn popper. We use that newfangled invention known as a microwave oven. Thank you Mr. Redenbacher for not only the delicious popcorn that’s ready in 2 1/2 minutes, but also the warning on the packaging that let me know I first have to remove the plastic wrapper before tossing that yummy treat into the aforementioned microwave.

Mr. Redenbacher must think people are actually quite stupid, and in some cases, he’d be right! Thanks to stupid people everywhere, warning labels come on nearly every product we buy. Some are very valid, while others seem a little unnecessary. Do we really need a warning label on a vacuum cleaner telling us not to pick up gasoline, flammable liquids, or anything that is currently burning? Apparently we do.

Here are some more of my favourite warning labels:

Found on the instruction sheet of a Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer: “WARNING: Do not use in shower. Never use while sleeping.”

Found on Axius Sno-Off Automobile Windshield cover: “Caution: Never drive with the cover on your windshield.”

Found on packages of Fruit Roll-ups: “Peel fruit from cellophane before eating.”

Found on a Bat-Man Halloween costume box: “PARENT: Please exercise caution. Mask and chest plate are not protective; cape does not enable wearer to fly.”

Found in in a TV’s owner’s manual: “Do not pour liquids into your television.”

The list goes on and on. I guess if companies put those labels on their products, there must have been at least one person who tried to do what the label is warning us not to.

What other items should come with a warning? How about a warning on bottles of booze? Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering where in the hell you left your pants.”

Thank goodness for dumb people. They certainly brighten up the lives of those who actually have common sense.